Pamela Madsen
originally from

One of the hardest part of trying to conceive is what it can do to your sex life. I remember being told that I had "Hostile Cervical Mucus" isn't that hot? "Come on Honey - Don't you want me and my hostile vagina?!!!" Doesn't that feel welcoming? Well - it didn't to me. I felt like my body was saying that it didn't want to receive my husband and my husband's potential babies. It rocked my world. For a while I was really shut down sexually. I felt like my body was not warm and welcoming....I felt the opposite of sexy. I didn't feel fertile and lush. I was everything that was not. Just think of the other diagnoses..."habitual aborter" or "premature ovarian failure".....I mean this is really sexy stuff.

Then we move into timed sex....and the list goes on. We like to think that sex has nothing to do with our ability to conceive. That a man who has many children is not more virile, i.e. more sexual than a man who has none. But that is simply perception. The man with many children may actually be an awful lover - and the man with none may be a regular Don Juan - but the children is what everyone sees and uses as a measure. The same thing goes for a woman.

So how do we manage to separate our sexuality of our ability to procreate? And it I read one more fluffy piece about taking bubble baths and lighting candles - I will be sick. Come on...if it was that easy all of us would hardly have any skin left from all the constant bathing!!!

We truly have to do more than that. I love that in Fully Fertile - that they talk about learning how to touch each other erotically again. The suggestion of learning how to give sensual massage to each other is a wonderful option for opening the doors to reconnection that separates our sexuality from reproduction. There are some wonderful resources - books and videos out there that can help couples learn to give each other sensual touch. Just google it or go to Amazon - it is all there! We need to learn to let go of our diagnosis's and the pressure to perform - and go back into our bodies and feel pleasure again in being a couple. took me a long time for me to get my groove back. My self image was thrown to the ground from infertility. But I recovered. A great place to start is through touch. And if you want to start with the bubble bath and the candle....why not?